On one hand it was nice to not be so raw and exposed…always processing information and shifting through emotions.
On the other hand, though, I felt like everything just stopped. All of the sudden, I wasn’t processing the way I had been…through my writing.
All the sudden, I felt like I wasn’t moving forward…like everything just stopped.
When I wrote my last entry on Day 365, I told myself I needed a much deserved break. That for one month, I wouldn’t do any writing. I didn’t want to be tempted to continue forward simply out of habit. If I continued…and at whatever frequency…I wanted it to be because I wanted to. Not because I felt like I had to or was compelled to.
One of the interesting things I noticed during this 30 day writing fast, was that even after I stopped writing the daily blog my thoughts still continued to sound like I was putting together a post.
I noticed myself fixating on particular topics or subjects that would have made good writing fodder. I would watch my thoughts form around a topic and noticed how my thinking had morphed.
Gone were random, disconnected, popcorn thoughts. Each thought was mentally tested as a possible blog topic…even though I was no longer writing. I could hear my thoughts, and they sounded like a story. I’ve spent the past month trying to re-train myself how to think like a normal person…without subtext or context.
I think the biggest fear in walking away from the daily blog was how…if…I’d be able to continue manifesting my dreams. So much energy went into writing…so many emotions were released…so many hopes and dreams set free into the Universe. I worried that writing was my “magic”…and without it, everything would stop…or worse, disappear.
And for a while it felt like it did…stop, that is. But that’s because it needed to. The blog consumed quite a bit of energy on a daily basis and now that energy was free to be reassigned to something else. It took me a while to settle into the energy and absorb the extra capacity.
Initially I filled it with busy work because it just needed to be filled. My shamans recognized this and gave me the business. Reminding me that more than anything, I needed to slow down. I needed to simply be with myself…with nature. I didn’t always need to be doing or thinking about something. Boy, that was hard to wrap my mind around.
But once I did…whoa. I felt a huge weight lift. Everything immediately became still…quiet…calm. All the noise stopped…even the thoughts quieted. It was amazing.
For probably the fourth time I’ve had a healer tell me I need to meditate. That my angels and guides are trying to connect but I’m not sitting still long enough to allow them to. Ok…ok…I’ll work on it!
It’s almost shameful to acknowledge that I have to “work on” slowing down. That I need to “work on” making time for myself…for meditation.
But in this Yang world, we’re programmed to go, Go, GO, GO!!!!
And stopping…or even slowing down to a certain degree…is seen as lazy. Also shameful! I teach Yin. I love Yin yoga and I know the power of slowing down. I’ve seen it in my life and others. Yet, if I take my eye off the ball, everything just speeds back up.
I guess my challenge for the next 30 days…besides resisting the urge to start writing more frequently…is to try to make it a habit to s…l…o…w…..d…o…w…n. Taking a vacation at the beginning of May will certainly help. 🙂
I’ll let you know how it goes. xoxo