Today I visited my fave swimming hole. It was the first time I've gone alone. The gang I usually go with had each made solo trips & shared how different it felt to be here alone.
Today was my turn to experience the difference. Whoa!
Water that I hadn't thought twice about driving into & swimming in suddenly felt dangerous. I stood knee deep in the water for what felt like forever & then finally made myself dive in. I went in, turned around & came right the fuck out.
Frustrated with myself, I tried to meditate to get clear on what felt so different. Sure, I was here alone but big deal.
No, big deal!
The longer I sat trying to tune into what was different, the more urgent the desire to force myself back into the water. Before I could stop myself, I was up & back in. This time swimming around as my thoughts were tossed about.
So many thoughts...fears...regrets...all swimming around just like I was in my favorite watering hole. Back and forth...back and forth...back and forth...until finally the racing stopped. My thoughts settled. I slowly swam back to the rocks & climbed out.
Whatever needed to shift, had.
The fear, gone for now. The desire, quelched. In its place, contentment & a bit of peace. ☮️❤️😁