I've been here a full week! Yes, it's paradise but it's not been easy.
Sunday I attended a psychedelic breathwork & sound bath. I highly recommend guided breathwork as a way to access the parts of yourself that are hidden. . . protected. . . tender.
It was amazing & kicked off a deeper level of inner work & healing that I knew I came here to do.
I do a lot of body work & movement but for the first time - ever - I felt the level of tension I carry in my body.
I felt the manufactured boundaries that have actually kept me locked & blocked.
And I felt my natural, intuitive, heart-centered boundaries that exist to protect & nurture.
I saw the little me that has carried this tension. . . & fear. . . & feeling of responsibility since she was too young to have such burdens.
I've seen her so many times before. I've talked with her. . . hugged her. . . & have tried to coax her out of the room I always find her in.
But this time was different. For the first time she wasn't balled up, clutching her knees to her chest.
This time, she opened. . . stretched out. . . & laid down. I walked over to her & as I picked her up, her body stayed soft & limp. Like a trusting child.
Finally. Finally she was able to soften & trust. Finally she was able to trust. . . me.
Lily (our teacher) guided us to remember a time when we felt deep gratitude. The memory came so quickly & was recent.
It was the day I did the MDMA therapy session. I realized that a big part of the success of that session was the gratitude I felt for the two humans that got me there & held space for me. (You know who you are.)
Lily guided us to bring that feeling down into our hearts. I felt the shaking in my body begin to slow & my muscles begin to soften.
After our third round of breathing, she guided us to project forward. To see ourselves sometime in the future. To feel the experience deep in our body & see all the details.
I'm not going to share what I saw but it was similar to visions I've had before, only this time I heard very clearly. . .
"You can have it all."
You can have it all.
Those words continued on repeat as we were guided to bring the vision into our hearts.
Finally, my body, mind & heart completely relaxed. 🙏♥️