You might be wondering, with the karma cleared and the lesson learned wouldn’t the marriage be great?
The karma was the spark that brought us together. Once it cleared (at least for me), the attraction was gone.
It was like waking up from a dream to a life I didn’t recognize. It was like being married to a stranger. The energy that had brought us together and kept us together (for better and worse) had vanished. Poof!
The day his daughter left to go back home for school, I told him the marriage was over. I was done. #overit
He said he wasn’t surprised but his behavior told another story. He volleyed between indifferent and pissed. I’m pretty sure he thought this was just more of the same…another negotiation…because he moved into the basement instead of out.
So we made a deal (aka another negotiation). We would take the word “divorce” off the table so he could have a chance to get clean. And for a couple of months, he did. He seemed to be making real progress! There was hope. I was hopeful.
We were getting to know each other all over again…without the karmic energy hanging around, buuuuuut with the addiction still lurking. Ultimately, it won his heart instead of me…or at least it won control of his mind…and the marriage was officially over.
From that point on, shit went off the rails. He dove head first into whatever bottle he could find making unrealistic divorce demands and presenting his side of the story to anyone that would listen.
Here I was, again. Divorcing. This time knowing exactly how I got here…which almost made it feel worse. Although, the knowing was required for the learning in order to clear the karma. So in that regard, I was winning no matter what the price.
We spent almost a year negotiating the terms of a divorce for a marriage that was over in two. It was insane…but not the most insane thing that was happening in my life. Oh no! And that should tell you just how fucked up 2018 was.