Updated: Dec 29, 2021
“Once you see, you see.”
These wise words were spoken by none other than the beautifully brilliant Kilo in reference to finally seeing someone for who they truly are. And truer words may never have been spoken.
This is not only sage advice but a warning…for once you see, you see…and it’s not possible to “unsee”. It’s not possible to forget…to push it out of your head…to bury the feelings that bubble up from the knowing.
What you do have the option to do, though, is to forgive. To decide that despite what you’ve seen, there are far greater aspects to the situation…to the human…than that one piece. That the sum of the parts are greater than the whole.
This is a lesson I just recently learned.
In the past, if I’d seen something I didn’t like, I’d do one of two things. I’d either log each item away building a case to ultimately walk away from the person. Or I’d choose to forget what I’d seen…ignoring possible warning signs…prolonging relationships and circumstances that clearly should have ended months — or even years — prior.
But now, as I’m seeing things I’m learning to ask myself some questions before jumping to conclusions. And most of the time, the answers are the same…that what I saw has nothing to do with me. Nada…zip…zilch…nothing. That, yes, I’m seeing something from my vantage point but is a reaction to what that person is dealing with.
Maybe their reaction is due to stress…fear…an insecurity…an unresolved memory…whatever. Whatever. Whatever it is, most likely has nothing to do with me. So while I can’t unsee what I’ve seen, I can choose to give the person space…to patiently observe…to actively quiet the voices in my own head.
I can choose to love the person just as much as I did prior until we’re able to have a conversation. Then, and only then, can I decide what to do…whether I need to take action…whether I need to make a mental note…or whether I just need to forgive.