I appreciate warnings, especially from friends who have lived through situations and are willing to share their lessons.
Conversely, I also appreciate understanding that not all situations that may look similar, are. That not all people that have similar characteristics are the same. That not everything or everyone can be judged at face value.
I’ve learned to understand that there are nuances. But more than anything there’s that gut feeling. Not the gut feeling of someone on the outside looking in. The gut feeling of the person in the middle of it…the one in the know.
Judging is a defense mechanism. It’s a way to feel connected to others that think like we do…to those that judge like we do…leaving us feeling far less alone. It’s a way to make ourselves feel better…either because we think we’re better or because we see the signs and can profess as experts.
Judging allows us to turn our mistakes into shining beacons of warning, as if we were alchemists. Judging separates us from the mistake…allowing us to stand on the back of the mistake and look down at it…and everyone we think resembles it. I know this because I’m really good at judging.
Case in point, when I met Mr. Universe there were all sorts of signs pointing me straight to the exit…and every single one of those signs were preconceived notions…judgements on my part…about him before I’d even gotten past pleasantries.
Had I not taken the time to get to know him, I might have walked away from a relationship that – to date – has taught me some pretty valuable lessons and opened my eyes to seeing past the cover of the book…and to actually fall in love with the story.
A few years ago…maybe even one year ago…I’m not sure I would have been able to do this. I was so miserable…so buried beneath my own garbage…so cut off by the very walls I’d built to protect me…that it was impossible to look past my initial judgements. I was too insecure to take a chance on being vulnerable. I was too afraid of being hurt by someone that I hurt myself everyday by cutting myself off from opening up.
After doing some substantial work with my Shamans, I finally don’t live in fear anymore. I don’t need the safety of a likeminded village to protect me from myself. I don’t want to pre-judge a situation or person anymore. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but I try to be more aware and either stop it or prevent it before I get too far down the storyline road.
Our realities are projections of the stories we tell ourselves. Of the fears or joys that live in our head. Of the love or hatred that lives in our heart. If we change the morale of these stories, we change our reality and thereby, our world. When we change our world to reflect the positives we want to see, the need to judge falls away. And when that happens, we can finally open ourselves to experience all the diversity that life has to offer.
Could I judge Mr. Universe for not being exactly what I thought my Prince Charming would be…I could. But why would I want to purposely turn him into a frog? Should that ever happen, it’ll be because he decided to act like a frog.
I guess what I’m saying is life is full of what ifs…and I can chose to live playing the what if game or I can live based on what I see…hear…smell…touch…feel. It’s good to not be naive but it’s even better not to judge. It’s always better to come to the table with facts, not judgements. To love based on what we feel, not what we think we know.