Updated: Jan 8
It all boils down to perspective. Perspective of how things effect you. Perspective of your reactions. Perspective of how you impact others. Perspective of how others impact you. Perspective of how people react to their own emotions.
Before I started visiting the shamans, I was caught up in my own little world. That world existed of personal contracts…promises I’d made to myself and deals I’d negotiated…and emotions resulting from those contracts. I was a walking trigger because of all the energetic traumas I was carrying around…that I was mostly unconscious to.
Once I experienced my first visit, I saw for the first time how broken pieces of me were. Not irreparable…just fractured. I also felt how easily the pieces could come back together to create a stronger version of myself. Little by little…wound by wound…scar by scar…contract by contract…we made our way around my world.
As I healed, I began to see…for the first really…how misaligned my life had become. Misaligned because I was living and functioning at half capacity. I didn’t know the real me, yet…so I was unable to make decisions that felt right. I just made decisions that I thought were best…decisions that would most likely please or meet the expectations of the majority of the people in my life.
With the healing came perspective. I was able to see how the old me would have reacted to a situation…pause…and choose to react as the new me felt would be best. This act of pausing was how I learned to witness.
Eventually, it provided me the ability to determine how I wanted to react and behave versus just doing what I’d always done. Eventually, it taught me to feel the difference between people’s reaction to me versus their reaction to themselves that merely seemed to be about me.
For example, I’ve learned that like most men, Mr. Universe tends to react with anger when he’s hurt. This is pretty common. From a young age, society tells little boys not to cry…not to be sissies…not to feel the range of emotions unless that means happy or mad. As a result, these little boys grow into men that struggle with communicating pain, especially hurt.
Thanks to the shamans, I’m learning to see his pain through his anger. I’m able to pause…witness…his reaction and gauge my reaction accordingly. This doesn’t mean I don’t react. It does mean, though, that I don’t take it personal…I don’t take on his anger. I don’t let his words become completely about me.
While it doesn’t completely stop an argument (I’m still a work in progress, too!), it does keep it from escalating. I’m learning to not let his triggers, trigger me. I’m learning boundaries…and how to communicate what’s acceptable and not acceptable behavior once we’ve both cooled down. I’m learning to separate our behaviors from our intentions…and to talk through how to align the them.
I get it, though. I used to be a very angry person that hid behind a smile and a sense of humor. Inside I was in a lot of pain. Pain I didn’t completely understand and certainly wasn’t able to communicate except via outbursts and fits of rage…until I found my shamans. 🙂
We aren’t naturally programmed to be angry. Our hearts want to be happy. Our bodies want connections to other humans. Anger holds us back from expressing our true selves…from feeling the full range of (e)motions.
If anger is your go-to response, find a shaman or someone that help you to heal your wounds. Life is so much better when you’re able to feel…everything…and eventually able to witness the beauty of your own life.