I've talked (and written) a lot about my struggle to find a lasting romantic relationship . . . of my struggle to feel worthy of love . . . of my struggle to take up space & stand in my own power.
And what I've come to discover . . . what I know to the core of my being... is that, that thing I've spent most of my life failing to find externally... that feeling I've searched for ad nauseam . . . that experience of surrendering without fear . . . that, that love is contained within ME.
If you're anything like me, you'll read that and think 'duh'. I used to read shit like that and think 'duh'. It was really no different than all those years (10 to be exact) that I spent in talk-therapy intellectualizing all my issues, yet never truly healing them until energy work and shamanism found me.
And that's the difference I'm talking about: thinking vs knowing or feeling. It's both subtle and huge, at the same time. For the analytical types, this may seem like semantics. And it is... until one day, it isn't.
I've had glimpses of this on & off for years... during meditation, in hypnosis, during savasana, immersed in nature, cuddling with Sheba. I would have fleeting moments where I could the overwhelming feeling of love. Pure, unconditional love.
It wasn't until breathwork that I finally got it. That I finally found a way to not only feel those fleeting moments but to access the pathway to keep the flood gates open.
It wasn't until breathwork found me that I felt the depth of the love contained within me, for me. And that, my friends, is a gamechanger.
As a result, the way I look at romantic #relationships is different because I am different.
I don't need someone else's love... or attention. I have my own. And that provides the much needed space . . . the self awareness . . . to meet someone new... feel the energetic container created . . . and to so clearly know the difference between someone's interest in me vs my interest in them.
This may sound ridiculous (to some) but it can be sooooooo easy to get caught up in someone else's emotions, especially if you're #sensitive or #empathic. Many of us live like that without even knowing it. And it can be fun to ride those waves. But it's not real. It's not grounded or rooted or authentic. I only know this because I recently (yes recently) felt the difference.